Email Chain

Ahh a league story, I remember what these use to look like.  Just like my fantasy team my stories decided to take the 2^nd half of the year off, which might be karma for why I missed the playoffs in a do or die game even though I scored the 2^nd most points for the week.  Oh well, I’ll pretend I’m the Pittsburg Steelers and say I’m suffering from the Super Bowl Hangover and miss the playoffs only to come back even stronger next year (only let’s hope I don’t have any offseason sex scandal in a college bathroom…wait a minute that sounds awesome who’s down to join me at CVP’s??).  My only regret is I did not get to defend my belt in the playoffs, but it’s time to induct a new member into the family of rings with this year’s playoffs, so best of luck Danny, Nick, Kearns, Nickerson, Mike and Forester for one of you will be the new champ and have a year’s worth of bragging rights.  Before I get to the playoff power rankings, I think some awards are in order:

The “I probably should stop going to Mad River every Sunday to watch the Games” Award: JIM TOMLIN!

-Another year of missing the playoffs after somehow winning it all a few years ago, only this time to be in dead last at 2-11, even doing it with the first pick overall.  You would think with all that knowledge gained by going to the bars and having access to every single game would have won a few extra fantasy games, only to realize you normally don’t even glance at any of the 15 TV’s and are passed out by 8pm and feeling like death every single Monday.  Would he change any of it?  Of course not.

The “Pat White, I Thought He’d Be Better Than This” Award:  Paul!

Are we sure Ermyas still isn’t in control that team?  After coming on with a strong draft and an even stronger week 1, I even compared you to the Packers as an early fantasy favorite only to completely disappoint and come in at 9^th place.  When a team has both Peyton Manning and #1 RB Arian Foster it actually takes effort to miss the playoffs completely.  I guess that’s what happens when you don’t have a bench and then don’t add a player off the waivers the entire season.  In a text today Paul said, “Yeah, I hate adding and dropping and trading unless I have to.” Umm, if going 4-9 means to you “not having to” make any moves, then I don’t want to see the situation where you do…

The “I Won the Battle but lost the War” Award goes to: Mark Fischer!

This is for the heated CJ Spiller vs Javid Best argument vs Nick, that thanks to the Email Forum every one of my **** talking statements was posted for everyone to see so I had to make sure my bold “sleeper” pick was better than Nicks.  I had such a strong feeling about this, that we had to went back and forth about 2 meaningless players so much that it made me draft him 3 rounds too high and starting him every week except the one he actually did well in (vs Philly of course).  And yes, I won the argument over who would be the better fantasy player this year, but in the end, it probably cost me the playoffs while Nick is laughing all the way to the 3^rd seed.

The “Vincent Jackson Comeback that Meant Nothing” Award: Josh!

After starting off in dead last for the first couple weeks and panic trading your best player in AP, it looked like this season was a lost cause for you, but to your credit, a bunch of smart waiver wire pick up’s such as Mike Vick even though you had 2 decent QB’s and Peyton “When was the last time a white RB will be picked in the 1^st round” Hillis, you came this close to making the playoffs (6 points in a tiebreak to be exact).  Still, even as annoying it is to see the same person stack up on the best waiver wire pickup each week, I have to admire your ability to never give up, here’s to hoping those waiver moves actually mean something next year.

Alright now its time to rank who I think is going to win this years championship in reverse order:

6. Nickerson:  Somehow getting the 5^th seed even though your team scored the 2^nd least points the entire season.  I guess that’s what happens when you go by record and your #1 in points against aka you somehow play a team in their worst week almost every time.  I’ll give you credit though, making the playoffs while serving time in Iraq is no small feat, but this feels like the NFC West champ type of playoff game to me.

5. Danny: Let’s face it, your team relies on the Giants and it’s all good when there playing the Redskins as home but there next 3 games are at Minny, home in a huge game vs Philly, and at GB in a 4pm late December game.  I’m sorry but I don’t see how you can make a run relying on that ( or maybe I’m just still bitter that I put up the 2^nd most points and lost in that do or die game last week. ****ing Skins!)

4. Mike: Quietly making the playoffs again and the only one with a chance to be the first 2-time champ in our league history.  It’s been quite a year for you Mike, going from your Mom’s basement hating life, to moving to Alabama and working 7 days a week balling out and now living in Beantown so congratulations on that, I would love to make a funny joke but I haven’t heard from you since September so I don’t even know what to say (can’t shoot your boy a text? I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!)

3. Nick:  Your team came on pretty damn strong these past weeks, scoring over 100 3 of the past 4 including a monster 160 one week.  You always talk about RB’s being the key (and you might have saved your season trading for Turner) but it seems to me the key has been your WR’s being loaded and scoring every week and Brady putting up 40 every week.  I like your chance, but I just don’t see you beating Forester then Kearns back to back.  Also you go down one slot for saying this on September 8^th (check fantasy sleepers page 2) “Other sleepers...

QB: Flacco will have a HUGE season. as much as i hate to say it ravens will have a top 5 offense this year. Thats why i took rice over MJD, because the ravens will score alot and rice will be a big part of a great offense. Also estatic to get big ben in the 12th round

Here to hoping Ray Rice isn’t the reason you won’t won it all.

2. Forster

1. Kearns

Wow .62 points is all that separated you guys for the 1 and 2 seed and most likely avoiding Nick in a big Round 2 matchup.  Story of your fantasy life right Forster? Both have history of bad luck in playoffs with loaded teams every year only to fail in the playoffs, is it time for one of their fortunes to turn and join the family of rings?  Both have excellent QB’s in Rivers and Rodgers, only big difference is Kearns goes hard in the paint with RB’s with Jamal Charles, Shady McCoy and fantasy herpie Darren McFadden while Forster has the air assault with River, Andre Johnson and striking gold with Dwayne Bowe somehow being on the waivers a few weeks into the season.  So who do I got in the big dance? I’m going with Kearns, mainly for avoiding Nick in round 2, finally learning you don’t win in the playoffs with the passing game in December, and any man who introduces himself to a new female as “Nacho,” is someone I definitely don’t wanna mess with when it’s time to party. Best of luck to all.  Til next year…